We drink the water flowing out of the light.
Week 45 of the Calendar Year
From my Journal
All Souls Day 2025
Morning sit. Feels very peaceful, sunshine, a bright day. For my meditation, I did a 10-minute breath work at first and then I did my sit. My prayer was focusing on my seeming ineptitude, and praying that nonetheless Christ can use me, be me, be through me, achieve Christ's own ends in me. Then I seek silence and stillness.
I see myself sitting on the prayer rock by the river. Very quickly I know that the King Deer is standing in front of me. I am trying to ‘read’ the scene. I see the herd behind him, most of them are in the water. My body is burning, full of light. Then I stand to greet him, and I am a Deer. Yet my human self stays seated on the rock. He is inviting me to join him, follow him, be with him. In my head, I am wondering, ‘Where are we going? Where he is leading? What's going to happen?’ He reads my thoughts, of course, and tells me that he wants me just to follow with him. He says some beautiful encouraging words including, ‘I have chosen you... I am the way... Trust me... Come with me... I try to let go of my inner questions and I enter the water with him – standing beside him as his bride.
The herd is big and happy and ready to follow with him. We begin to walk upstream. We swim when necessary, when the water is deep. Other times we just walk happily in the shallows. The river is running through the middle of the forest with trees lining it on either side. We go with the river and I see that we are walking towards its source. A bright light, like the sun, shines up ahead. We then arrive at the light, at the place where the water emerges out of the light. We are at the beginning. We drink the water flowing out of the light … and we are now the water.... We are the flowing river... We are the water of life... We are the river of life. Then King Deer says,
‘I am the light, I am the way, I am the source, and the river. Drink of me and never be thirsty’.
I am gently understanding that I am also the river, the water, the life. And as I drank the water, I understood that my human self, still sitting on the prayer rock by the side of the river, was receiving what I drank in my Deer form. We are one always, in spirit and in body. Deer is telling me, by showing me, his majestic self-knowing as the light of the world, and is telling me I must equally step into this self-knowledge, not faffing at the edges any longer with confusion, but solid, stable, almost regal self-knowing as part of the light of the world. Then he says,
‘I am the light of the world; and even when people do not recognize, acknowledge or accept this truth, I am still the light of the world. Their lack of acknowledgement does not diminish who I am by one iota. They have life because of me, yet some take it for themselves, turn away from me, and take it for their own sake and their own ends. I will be living long after they are dead. They will turn to dust and never be reborn in spirit.’
I understand that I must step into similar self-knowing and acceptance. I must know to whom I belong. Then I asked about my efforts to do what Christ asks of me. Christ Deer said, all that he has inscribed in my heart is already making its way... flowing in the river of life. Whatever I do, Christ can and will turn to his own ends. All that matters is that I share what’s mine to share. There is no right way. Christ will turn my efforts to his own ends.
Image: The Vision of Saint Hubert Wilhelm Karl Räuber
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