A Call to Love
A Reluctant Mystic
On the night before he died, Jesus gave his disciples a new commandment,
‘Love one another as I have loved you.’
In my wildest imaginings I never thought that when I began a daily practice of meditation in 2015 that I would spontaneously receive visions, revelations, and communications from Jesus, Mary Magdalene, and God. I thought you had to be a mystic for that type of thing to happen. Before my awakening I had no religious or spiritual pretensions beyond the basics, I was not a seeker and most decidedly I was not trying to make it happen. Yet, sacred mystical experiences occurred during my meditations, not just once or twice, but daily and for more than two years. It was a long and difficult struggle for me to accept that I was becoming a mystic, but when I did at last accept it, I realised that everyone else is invited, indeed expected, to become one too. Now I know that we are all created to live lives of Love and that life is a gift of Love by Love and for Love. The whole purpose of life is Love and the only true way to live life is to live it for Love. This is the mystic way – living in beautiful awareness of the Oneness of all in Love.
It was incomprehensible to me that at a time when Catholicism and Christianity are almost toxic words in Ireland, that Jesus, Mary Magdalene and God, would ask me to speak for them. They must know that no one wants to hear about Christianity in Ireland. People are done with Christianity in Ireland. Historically Christ’s message of Love was lost from the heart of the Church and with it went its moral compass and its moral authority. Irish people have left the Church in droves, and in no way was it my job to convert them back. Stories of Christian spiritual experiences are not valued in Ireland, they are ridiculed, so what were Jesus and Mary Magdalene hoping to achieve by asking me to speak for them? Nevermind those daunting obstacles, I had plans of my own! I was becoming a novelist and planning a PhD in Philosophy. The state of the Catholic Church in Ireland or elsewhere was not my concern. Jumping into the fray of the incredibly fraught arena of being a Christian in post-Christian Ireland was not something that I even remotely considered as something I would ever do.
I had been brought up in a strict Catholicism of fear. If you broke the rules you went to hell. That was too much to grapple with so, like many others, when I grew up I became an á la carte Catholic and an irregular Mass goer. The primary thing I wanted to overcome as an adult was religion as superstition. I wanted a mature relationship with God that was based on love, not fear. The idea for example, that if you broke a Church rule you would endure hellfire and eternal damnation, was too draconian to take seriously. I did not believe that it mattered one whit to God whether I stuck to the letter of Church law or not. Every Christian knows that one of things that Jesus spoke out against most strongly during his life was the hypocrisy of the Pharisees who made a big show of obeying religious law in public but had hearts of stone behind the display. Unfortunately the Christian Church has traditionally had its share of exactly these hypocrites. I felt a natural devotion to Christ, to Mary Magdalene and the Holy Spirit but not necessarily to the Church. I was alive to its gross failings but reforming the Catholic Church was never on my list of things to do in life.
However, here I was, out of the blue receiving a breathtakingly beautiful and holy gift. It began in earnest with what is often described as a ‘mountain top’ experience except for me it happened at the end of Dunlaoighre pier on the East coast of Dublin. I was forty-six years old, a mature student of English Lit and Philosophy immersed in exploring the meaning of life. As I gazed into the depths of the Irish Sea pondering the amazing beingness of everything, I had a sudden, electrifying understanding of the phenomenal and intimate belonging together of everything that exists. I felt the connection of all to All with my whole being and I was on fire with joy. I suddenly understood the intimate connection of everything to everything at a level of knowing far beyond ordinary intellectual understanding. It was a new type of knowing that I had never encountered before. It was feeling-knowing. I felt my knowing with my body, my mind and my soul. It was revelation. It was stupendous. My whole being – my essence and my spirit, all came alive with this new knowing-feeling in a way that I had never imagined was even was possible. I had encountered Truth. I was in a state of complete awe. As I walked back down the pier I knew my life would never be the same again. I had experienced something of a higher order, my mind had been opened to a new horizon of existence and I was deeply interested to know more.
After this ‘pier end’ experience, my mystical awakening began to develop exponentially so that when I meditated I received visitations by Jesus and later Mary Magdalene too. I had exquisite visions of the Light and experienced the indescribable ecstasy of being brought out of my body to enter the realm of Light. I had the most astonishing and blessed direct experiences of God, of my being dissolving entirely into the Light of God, merging as one with One. I was feeling and living the highest imaginable spiritual riches, but fearful to tell anyone. There was a deep conflict inside me because on the one hand I felt a compulsion to share and had been expressly asked by Jesus and Mary Magdalene to share but on the other hand I knew it would be unspeakably difficult to talk about these things.
I knew the first hurdle I would face was people thinking I was insane. And people thinking I was insane is exactly the first hurdle I faced. When I very tentatively shared with my husband what was happening he said, not all that lovingly, ‘Aedamar, only crazy people say Jesus talks to them.’ The second hurdle was my fear of being seen as a religious-freak when I wasn’t one and didn’t want to become one. The third hurdle was that no one wanted to hear about the Christian way to God anymore and those few who did were taken care of by the Church. The fourth hurdle was … you get the picture. Early on, back in 2015 when all this started, I was talking to Jesus (crazy-woman) marvelling that I might be a mystic but terrified of saying it publicly. ‘Yes,’ he said wryly, ‘a reluctant mystic.’
Continued in next blog entry.
Copyright Aedamar Kirrane 2019